Breaking point …

Financially, I think I’ve pretty much reach the breaking point.

I really do not know what else to do. We do not allow a lot of luxury in our lives. I really hate to cut back on the few that we’ve allowed ourselves to have. It is not like they are extravagant luxuries. Otherwise, what is the point of it all? Why put up with the paycheck to paycheck struggle?

Just when it seems that we might be able to coast or just a little bit behind. Something bi g happens financially (such as car or household repairs) that just sets us back too far. We can’t seem to gather enough steam to even have a small savings. Because of this, I know that it is just a vicious cycle that we live in… without a savings, these “unexpected” things occur and we can’t cover it.

We are not able to refinance our home for our credit is not good enough. Yet, our credit is not good enough because our failure to keep paying our mortgage bills on time. We are not able to receive help from our mortgage company because we are only in somewhat bad shape and not completely utterly bad shape.

Luckily, we’ve signed up for credit help a couple of years ago to help eliminate the credit card debt that we amassed. We see the balances going down at a steady rate. However, it is still another couple of years before that is off our shoulders.

I know that we brought a lot of this on ourselves. I am not denying it. We should have made more of an effort to create a bigger nest egg. So when the Hubby was laid off, we had something more to fall back on. We should not have refinanced our mortgage back in the day to decrease our 30 year mortgage to a 25 year mortgage. Lord knows, they won’t let us refinance it back to be 30 years or take advantage of the lower percentage rates now. We should have been more careful with our credit card usage. It all looks stupid now… I know … hindsight is always 20/20.

Just the question I am left now with:

How much longer do we need to struggle?

On my own

I must confess there have been times since the Little One entered into the world where I daydream about the freedom of the old days. The days when …

• You could eat dinner in front of the TV without worrying if you are damaging your daughter’s psyche. 
• You can sleep past 8 am on a weekend morning.
• You only had to worry about entertaining / educating yourself on the weekends.

The daydreams are fleeting and nothing serious… just little fantasies such as having enough money to pay bills and go a trip around the world with a new wardrobe.

Guess what? Due to circumstances, I couldn’t accompany Hubby and the Little One to the south for a family reunion. This is the first trip of this length that separates me from my immediate family. Here I find myself home alone. There is nothing that I need to do other than take care of my stuff and some small household needs.

My feelings are complex about this whole experience. I miss them and wish I was with them. I’m glad that they are adventuring out so that the Little One can get to know that side of the family. This is a great bonding opportunity between Hubby and our daughter. I am reveling in the fact that I can have several nights of uninterrupted sleep.

Yet, I feel like I am at a loss. What is there to do? I think I can understand the whole “empty nest” syndrome that I’ve heard about. I’m about to state the obvious: Having children affects and changes your life so dramatically. My relationship with my friends and my general social calendar has changed dramatically as well. My social calendar has for the most part become the same as my daughter’s. It’s quite amazing for you don’t realize it is happening until you are given a moment to look at it (like I am now).

So, you may be wondering what I am going to do during this brief period of “freedom” of mine. To tell you the truth, I am not sure. There is some stuff that I do want to do around the house. I have a pile of books just waiting to whisk me away. I do plan on getting together with some friends.

We shall see.