Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Holding grudges…

I do not consider myself the type of person that holds grudges. Generally, I, for the most part, forgive and move on. From witnessing friends and family, I generally do not think grudges are worth the time and energy that people tend to give them.

Granted, if someone has hurt me greatly, I may forgive them but I am a bit more cautious with that individual. I don’t sit and dwell on how that person done me wrong, etc.

That is… until this week… when discovered that I am a person that holds grudges… I just didn’t realize it.

Facebook is an amazing social tool. I love the fact that I can keep touch with family and friends or re-connect with long lost friends. I am not one of those Facebook users that just simply add people so I can boast that I have “X” amount of friends … “Y” more than you. I can go through everyone on my friend list and tell you who they are.

Recently, I received a friend request from a person that I didn’t recognize the name. The person did not have a photo put up as their avatar. Normally, I would just be quick to click “no thanks” but I realize that both my sister and my brother had this person as a friend. This made me wonder who it was. Other than family, there are very few people that cross over in each of our lives. So, I visited the profile to see if I can determine who it was before answering the request. The person’s public profile was of no help. So, I sent a message to my siblings to find out who this person was.

It turns out that the person is an ex-girlfriend of our father. He was dating her about 15 or so years ago. I couldn’t believe that she sent me a friend request … more so; I couldn’t believe that this is someone that my siblings said yes to being friends on Facebook. This is the person who was one of the main reasons why I moved out of my father’s house way back when. This is the person that made our lives miserable. I couldn’t click “no thanks” fast enough. I do not need to have this drama filled person have a window back in my life. Hell no.

So, apparently, I do hold grudges.

Snapping out of it

As you may have noticed, I have been absent on here. I didn’t realize how long it has been until I noticed that I didn’t even finish the 30 Days of Me. That’s quite pathetic. I couldn’t even finish the 30 day challenge.

It seems overall I’ve been not really “on the ball” with myself. Although I’ve had a good summer with some great memories, I realize that I am not really taking care of myself. I am finding that a bit pathetic too. It’s the little things like not giving me enough time in the morning to pull myself together … to be the best that I can be that day. The goal towards weight loss? Ha! *smirks* Nothing going on in that corner of my world either.

Basically, I feel like I’ve been letting myself slip on a personal level. I know it has been slipping for quite some time. It is so easy to get caught up in making sure that everything is being covered in the household, family, and friends. I think I simple stopped caring about myself as an individual. That’s not really smart. Honestly, I don’t think it is really fair to my family and friends either. It is one thing to notice it ... it's quite another to actually try to change it.

Now, I am going to force myself to snap out of it. I got to get things back into a “working order”. It’s only right to do so … for me … for my family... and for my friends.

So, I am using the calendar start of September to get things progressing. Wish me luck! I'm going to need it.