Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dear reader(s),

I would like to offer my apologies for my absence. It has been quite a couple of weeks for me. I’m finding it a bit difficult in getting back into the swing of things.

The Hubby and I were on our way to our annual trek to Potsdam, NY when I received the dreaded phone call that my grandfather has passed away. It was strange at first. I really didn’t seem to have much of a reaction. I called my sister to make sure that she knew. I even called my brother to make sure that he knew and whether he had a place for us to crash. We continue to drive north on our way to "Cinnamon’s" house. The Little One was still singing and enthusiastically reminding us that she was on her way to a slumber part at "Cinnamon’s" house. I finally broke down into silent tears in the car. It seems silly now but I didn’t want to upset my daughter’s happy ecstatic mood. She was literally skipping through her daycare when we went to pick her up for her weekend excursion.

I knew that the days ahead were going to be hard. I guess in an effort to postpone it more I decided that we will continue on our trip and let the Little One stay the weekend with "Cinnamon". During the weekend activities, I tried to keep it to myself for I didn’t want a bunch of sympathy well wishes. I also didn’t want to dampen the weekend for anyone. As you can imagine, I wasn’t quite myself. I either kept quiet to myself or try to overcompensate with joking around/talking.

We picked up the Little One on Sunday, stopped at the house to repack our clothes and made the trek back to my hometown. It was good to see everyone. It is a real shame that I do not get to see a lot of people unless it is for a funeral, wedding, or Thanksgiving. (I really need to make an effort to make more trips back in hopes that my daughter gets to know my family and vice versa.) My cousins helped me out by filling in the names with the somewhat familiar visitors during viewing hours. It is amazing how much a person can change. The Little One actually helped some people to recognize me for she looks a lot like how I used to look at her age. In fact she noticed the similarities, for at one point, she pointed out that I looked like her but with brown glasses while looking at some of the old photos they had posted around the funeral home.

As I described in the post on February 4th, I really wanted to remember grandpa as the man he was. It was a bit hard for they did have an open casket. I couldn’t make myself to go up to it. The Hubby as well as some of my other relatives offered to go up with me… but I just couldn’t. Unfortunately, I still have an image in my head for I couldn’t avoid looking at him even at a distance.

Needless to say, we are back home. This is the first full week of “normalcy” around the household. Although, I miss my family dearly, I am glad to be back home.

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